Random rants

Lagos Diaries

Welcome to Lagos, the land flowing with parfait and debonair pizza,😊 the fast-paced city reeking of opportunities and over-population. At first when I relocated to Lagos, I constantly complained about the danfo(bus) drivers and my experiences on the road. My whatsapp contacts were the recipients of my frequent rants which I like to call my #danfotales or #danforants. At some point I stopped talking about it because I got used to it, I presently feel like I have seen it all, I cannot be surprised anymore, yo!! I can’t talk again, just look into my eyes…cos, yes I have seen it all.🤭

On a particular Monday morning, I boarded a bus to work and I was enjoying the peaceful trip then the danfo came to a halt, I felt it probably stopped for a passenger to alight, when I noticed everyone coming down, I just knew there was a problem. Guess what the problem was, yea, the bus ran out of gas.🤭 Imagine the shock on my face, yo! You have got to be kidding me. It was super annoying because we had just gone past a gas station, and no, the driver didn’t think to stop and get some, he just had to waste our time carelessly. I have witnessed this same scenario more times than I care to count. I have come to the conclusion that this attitude is probably listed in the danfo drivers handbook or constitution. It is not ordinary o, it is definitely follow come😂

Who else has noticed the fact that not a day goes by where two cars do not scratch each other in traffic😂 The owners of the vehicles will now come down, start insulting each other, speak plenty English and cause even more traffic lol. Sometimes I wonder how some of the danfo drivers can wake up early and start abusing people with strong yoruba words, haba, it’s too early nau, I’m still recovering from my “i-want-to-sleep-some-more” state and this one is already here talking plenty. I’d really like to know where they get the energy from, maybe I can borrow some, lol.

The other day, the bus I boarded had a calm conductor, it was sooo unusual, fam! He is the calmest I have ever come across. He first said “Good morning everyone, Please do not sleep off, so you don’t miss your stop”😮…weird right? He spoke nicely to the passengers and in good English too, yes I was shocked. In my head, I was already praying for the guy like “Lord, please help him get another job, this is obviously not his calling nor his talent” 😂. Infact there was this conductor, this one was correcting a passenger who said he wanted to “drop” at the next stop, the conductor was like “No, don’t say you want to drop, instead say you want to alight”. Everybody in the bus burst into laughter. Sometimes, when they are not pissing you off they can be really funny and entertaining.

Usually, due to the traffic, some evil drivers would refuse to get to the agreed destination, they would plainly tell the passengers to come down. One particular day, the driver of the bus I boarded decided to pull this stunt on us, but that was his unlucky day because he had the wrong set of passengers in the bus. The driver drove to a point and stopped the bus, he started acting up, he said his bus was faulty and was unable to start; guess what…the passengers(me inclusive🤭) refused to come down. Apparently, someone in the bus knew the driver had a usual way of stopping and dropping off everyone, with the disguise that the bus was faulty😂. So yea, that’s how we sat down in the bus o, the driver threatened and threatened, we didn’t budge. At a point, I was already feeling like I should probably just come down and get another ride. Lo and behold, wait for it guys, to my utmost surprise, the driver got frustrated and started the bus, just like that! I was shocked😲😂. It was both annoying and funny. Believe me when I say nothing can surprise me anymore at all.

Just when I thought I had seen it all guys, the other day, I spent 6 hours and 30 minutes in traffic, I had never experienced this kind before. Gosh, I could not even cry sef😢. My friend called it gangster traffic, she was sooo right. Traffic humbles you like that o! This Rihanna meme was legit my facial expression when I checked the traffic heat on google map.

Take away the traffic, Lagos is a cool place to live in, but the traffic is like an undeniable huge elephant up in our faces, mehn! There has got to be another way, cos this is hard life.

I have to send a special shout out to my ex-colleague M, I feel like my Lagos story would be incomplete without him. When I first resumed at work, he would drive I and my other colleagues to and fro, he made our settling in somewhat easier. After he left, I was pushed to the danfo way of life, I am now an able member of the danfo squad😀, if you know, you know.

Oh, did I also mention, July 1st marked my 1 year in Lagos anniversary and I decided to celebrate it with a story of my experiences here. I hope you enjoyed reading it. There’s going to be more😉

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