Random rants

Lagos Diaries II

Psssst…lean in closer, lemme whisper a quick advice, you see that tiny voice in your head that tells you to sleep a little bit more even after the alarm has gone off, yea, that’s from your village people, please do not listen to it. You would probably wake up in what seemed to have been 5 minutes and find out that an hour has flown by, then you would jump out of bed feeling like there’s been some sort of conspiracy against you. I warned you…don’t do it! Been there, done that😂 and no it never turns out well.

By the way, I have a question for my fellow fit fam people, please how do you people keep up with your fitfam way of life in this Lagos? I started the fitfam lifestyle – no carbonated drinks, only water, fruits, yogurt/parfait or any healthy drink, working out and no eating after 7pm. While I try to be consistent with all the others, the last item has been completely taken off the list, because why?, in Timaya’s voice, 🎵I can’t kill myself o! So the other day I got home at 8:30pm, I was tired and hungry, but this young girl had decided to do fitfam, nothing could stop her, what is hunger bikonu?, small hunger…oh puhlease. She did all she had to do and went to bed. Guess what, that’s how she got out of bed at 10pm to go and make eba, yes, eba! Let us laugh together, boy! I enjoyed that meal, it was glorious. I’m wondering who sent me on this fitfam errand. Even right now, I just had noodles while typing this and it’s past 9pm…be cool like me, let us add this weight together.

Guess who just got a 1-star rating on Uber…drumrolllllll…me! I have seen something in this Lagos o. I am even surprised at myself. Please, before you give up on me, listen to the story first. I booked a ride for myself and my colleagues, we took like 5 mins coming down to the pickup point, I know our bad. We hadn’t even boarded not to talk of moving, the baba had already started the trip. I was startled, I asked why he started the trip, he said we had all boarded, I politely told him that someone was yet to join in, he kept insisting that he was right and we were wrong, went on and on about how we had wasted his time. I was like “apologies sir, but there is a wait fee and we are charged for taking your time”. The next thing he said in raised voice was “how much is the wait fee, how much is it, i will give it back to you!” At this point, I was pissed and speechless. The fourth person had just boarded, none of us uttered a word. After we had gotten to our destination and he ended the trip, I simply rated him one star. Next day I got an email from uber with the title “Poor rider behavior”, apparently, the driver had rated me 1 star too😂. It wasn’t funny at the time, I was irritated! Lol, just negodu! see how they are trying to ruin my good reputation😂 Well, i serve a great God, he will fight my battles🤭

The other day, I and my danfo fam entered a bus, the conductor wanted to find out where we were headed, so he asked: “What are you going to?” It kinda seemed like he was joking. I didn’t even know when I blurted out “What are you saying, please speak the one you know” Please take note that I am not like this, I am a quiet and peaceful somebody😉, not like I’m trying to blow my trumpets or anything, but I have been badly influenced by some colleagues, Fad and the beans chef extraordinaire, they know themselves. I know, I know, I’ll unfriend them soon. It was so funny, everyone in the bus couldn’t help but laugh, including the wonderful conductor.

I love the holiday season…lol, it’s not like I’m on holiday but the free roads are a huge miracle to be thankful for! I got home the other day before 7pm, I kid you not, it was still bright outside, sooo unusual, it was such a big deal for me, like some serious achievement. It almost felt like I didn’t leave home that day, i really wish it could be like that every single day. Sigh! if only wishes were horses🙈 …anyway that boat has sailed cos schools resume this month, traffic all the way till the next holiday season, sobs.


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